Embracing the slob from within

So I'm slowly figuring out I really can't be good at everything, even take wife out of the picture (only for the week) and I still pretty much suck. I've had a great time with Alex this weekend, we slept in, ate pancakes in bed while watching 'Cars', went to the mall, went to target, ate out three times (yeah, I've yet to cook since jason left unless you count the banana nut bread Alex insisted I make b/c the bananas were so brown), went to Walmart, hung out with Amy and Jack, played school, played babies, cut and glued, did a load of laundry, experienced Build-a-Bear for the first time, tried on new clothes (alex, not me), read stories, took a bath, made up stories with each other and the list goes on. Notice I said very little about household chores, unless you count the one load of laundry. So here I am, 11 pm on a Sunday with a huge mess of a house, dust bunnies everywhere, clean clothes everywhere, dirty clothes everywhere, milk spilled on the counters, floor, and table, toys in the tub, toys in my bed, toys in the living room...you get the point. I'm taking tonight to embrace my slobbiness and be so thankful for the wonderful memories I made with Alex this weekend. I'll never forget the look on her face when she told me a story about her 'oder famiwee in georgia', I won't forget the Eskimo kisses and fancy kisses she gave me when I got her an ice cream cone at the Chinese buffet, I hope to god I never forget her sweet voice whispering 'i lub you mommy' right before she drifted off to sleep. So she may have only taken a 15 minute nap, destroyed the house, colored all over her cabbage patch doll's face...she's still my little angel baby for whom I vow to make as much time for as I can.

So listen here house...you will remain messy, sticky and dusty for at least another day and if she happens to fall asleep a little early tomorrow I may find time to wash a dish or two or put some clothes away but until then I'm off to cuddle with my baby!

Daddy's Out of Town...

So Jason left this morning with his brother for a week long golf vacation. It's kind of bittersweet. When he's gone, I can do things at my own pace which probably means the house will be absolutely atrocious until next Saturday, his planned return. I will miss him and probably even more, Alex is already missing him fiercely. I don't even have to add that he's staying with my parent's hanging out with them daily, the things I'm dying to do because I miss them and my sister so much!! But, it's made me think a lot about my friend, Tree. Her husband has been stationed in Texas since January and is heading over seas next week. She has a daughter who is one month younger than alex and a 10 month old. The kids have been away from their dad since January and saw him for the first time this past week. She said it was pretty awkward because it took them both a while to warm up to him. I can't imagine having to help Alex warm up to her Daddy, guess we're so lucky that way. Well, as soon as they were warmed up to him and having a good time, it was time for him to leave again. I know this is so hard for Tree! My thoughts on the war and the soldiers and all they are giving up and doing has changed so much for me. Thanks to all of you who are putting your lives on the line, leaving your families behind, and protecting our country. I have such mixed feelings about the war and rarely talk about it and sadly often forget it's going on but seeing what Tree's going through I try to think about it everyday and put all my wishes and hopes out to these young men and women that they will safely return to their own sons and daughters. I'm so thankful our Daddy is only out of town for a week.

This wasn't going to be a post of this nature, I had actually planned to talk about all the neat things Alex and I did together today but that'll wait for another day, including our trip to Build-A-Bear.

Story Teller

Jason managed to capture Alex telling a story a few weeks back. This is our drama queen hard at work. Too bad we don't have video because she was hilarious!!

check out more wordless wednesdays here!

I've been tagged (twice)

By Heather and Jen

Thanks guys! Didn't you read my post about being overwhelmed `wink,wink`. I could actually use some time thinking about off-the-wall things...

The rules:
1) Link to the person who tagged you.
2) Post the rules.
3) Share six non-important things / habits / quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people.
5) Be sure the people you tagged KNOW you tagged them by commenting what you did.

1. I too am a diet soda junkie! Love fountain the best and don't want to think about how much I spend on it! I prefer diet pepsi. Oh, and it has nothing really to do with being lower calorie, just LOVE the taste.

2. I must sleep with the TV on (which Jason despises) and will often lay awake waiting for him to fall asleep so that I can turn it on. I usually only watch 5 minutes and then am out cold.

3. I have to use the same kind of pen at all times. It's an addiction of mine, and my day is thrown off if I can't find one. I have to write ALOT at work so it matters much more there than at home. And it HAS to be fine point.

4. I've yet to share my blog with anyone except online friends. I'm really not sure why, nothing to be embarrassed about just makes it feel more like a diary and if I ever have to let out a huge secret or issue I don't have to worry about my mom or someone reading it. I know, weird.

5. Sometimes if I call in sick to work, I don't tell my husband (usually only if I'm not really sick). It doesn't happen much but I don't want him to know I stayed home b/c then he'd expect something to get done. (Maybe this is why I don't share my blog, I don't want him to find out about my hookey days).

6. I have a secret crush on the maintenance man at my old place of employment. Guess it's not a secret anymore. He's a real tool and pretty much a male slut but for some reason I have a crush on him (would never act on it though).

That's the best I can do.

I'm tagging Sara, Cara, and Jen.

Sorry if you've already been tagged, I'm new at this and don't have many blogging friends!!

OVERWHELMED

That's the only word that can describe how I'm feeling. I'm always feeling this way but lately it's so much greater than normal. This is how this a.m. went. Dog barking at 5, take him out, feed him and set my alarm for 6:45. Alarm goes off, I will it to go away and beg in my head for more sleep, I snooze it for as long as possible...knowing the longer I snooze it, the more stressful the morning will be. Finally drag my ass out of bed at 2 til 7 and grab a few cookies to give to Jason. I'm sorry but I'm sick and tired of bringing him breakfast in bed every morning. Even though it only consists of little debbies, cookies, or cake it's still served to him in bed every morning by me. This is something I started when we first married and was so happy to do it...now I loathe it! I lay down next to Alex, who has run over to our bed in the middle of the night and again steal a few more minutes of shut eye. Dreading what is to come once she wakes up. She's so grumpy and whiny in the morning and it's like walking on nails around her. Heaven forbid I do anything wrong to set her off. Give her cookies for breakfast too, after she's thrown every other option across the room because it's not what she want. Hey, at least they're organic and actually semi-healthy. I notice her teeth desperately need brushed (not going to attempt it this morning) so note to self to brush teeth this evening. Bribe, wrestle, threaten, and beg her while getting her dressed. Threats of throwing away her new easter dress, telling the easter bunny how bad she is, bribing her with her favorite activity (writing on a paper on a clipboard) and nearly losing my cool...I finally have her clothed (never mind I've been letting her sleep in shirts that are suitable to wear the next day because it shaves a step off of our routine. Finally dressed and fed and the big hair fight comes next. It was actually relatively easy this morning because I parked her in front of PBS while I navigated all of the tangles. Her pony tail was far from perfect but at least most of the tangles were out. Find her clipboard that she's incessantly asking for along with her 'white pen'. Heaven forbid we lose that pen--I think there is a little OCD there. Put her spring coat on, even though she really should wear her winter coat but she insists on her 'pat coat' (a crummy coat given to her from a neighbor last year). Load her in the car, plant a kiss firmly on her cheeks which she grimaces from and wipes off. Run back inside to get her blanket and milk (absolutely cannot forget those). And she's finally ready. By the way, Jason takes her to daycare in the a.m.

All the while, during what feels like WWIII, Jason is asking about clean towels, a shirt that's been in the laundry for well over two weeks, the smell in the kitchen, where he might find clean underwear. I turn into royal bitch to him. Everything he asks for or comments about feels like a direct hit toward my lack of ability to be a good housewife and mom. He's not really being mean but I take it so personally when he says...'have you found my white belt?'. I mean yeah, I saw it in the basement last week, was too lazy to take it out of the pants that have been waiting to go in the washer for a week, so I'm sure it's still down there where I last saw it. I'm thinking, 'walk your lazy ass down stairs and look for it yourself'. I mean give me a break, if I were looking for my belt I'd never ask him about it!!!

Well, I'm rambling. I'm just overwhelmed. Working, being a mom, being a wife, and being a housekeeper is just too much. I'm failing at pretty much all of those above mentioned jobs. I half ass it at work worrying about what I should do at home, I'm usually a pretty good mom (i'd call it my strength) but still Alex is in daycare 8 plus hours a day so really I'm paying someone to be mom for me part of the time. I'm sucking it up as wife, I've let myself go, haven't shaved my legs in well over a month, have chin hair, grey hair, about 50 extra pounds...you know all those things husbands just love. And house keeping, that's another story. Gone are the days of a nice neat house where everything has it's place. Instead, I've got 3 day old dishes in the sink, clean laundry that's been in baskets since the beginning of February, dirty laundry that's been sorted but not washed for 2 or more weeks (it's easier to just buy new underwear and socks), bills that need paid, floors that need washed, dog hair everywhere... Oh when will it end??? I guess maybe in 16 years when Alex heads off to college but really I'd rather be with her everyday and live like I am than fathom her leaving the nest.

Wow my thoughts are everywhere...I think maybe I forgot to take my meds! That would explain ALOT!

Bug Smacker

She has become quite the conversationalist and may I add a little bit of drama queen in there as well. On Sunday evening, after shopping for an Easter dress, she both delighted and entertained me in the back seat as her and I headed home after our shopping adventure. With a little prompting, her imagination just runs wild! It went a little something like this:

Alex: (Out of nowhere)"I have a purple car."

Me: Oh, you do?

Alex: Yeah, it's a big one.

Me: Where do you drive your purple car?

Alex: To work.

Me: Where do you work?

Alex: In Day-ton (imagine emphasis on the /t/ in dayton)

Me: Wow, I work in Dayton too.

Alex: Yeah, you drive mommy's truck to work.

Me: I do. What do you do at work?

Alex: Theres bugs there. Big ones.

Me: Oh yeah? Big bugs?

Alex: Yeah, purple bugs. I fmack (smack) 'em. (Voice louder and more excited while
demonstrating a smacking motion with hands)

Me: (Takes a minute to figure out what she was saying). You smack them?

Alex: Yeah, I 'fmack' 'em. At work. They're BIG bugs.

Me: Do you smack them with your hands?

Alex: Ew, yucky...No!

Me: What do you smack them with?

Alex: (Thinks really hard) I just fmack 'em.

Me: Do you use a bug smacker?

Alex: (very excited) Yeah!

Alex: I wear my running shoes.

Me: You do? Why?

Alex: So I can run fast at work in Dayton.

Me: That's a good idea, you need to be able to run to smack the bugs.

Alex: Yeah, they're yucky, purple bugs.

Alex: Mommy, whatta you do at work?

Me: I work with old people.

Alex: Me too, and bugs.

Alex: I wuv fmacking bugs!

This isn't word for word but it went a lot like that. I'm just so entertained everyday by her animation, vocabulary growth and imagination. She is very into pretending and her conversations are really taking off talking about this pretending. I'm not sure about the obsession with bugs. She doesn't seem scared of them, just a little obsessed. Who knows, maybe she'll be an entomologist?? You can be whatever you want to be baby girl! In the meantime, keep me entertained with that imagination!

Dora, Dora, and more Dora

Alex LOVES Dora and here is one of my favorite videos of her dancing to the theme song. The quality is not great but I just love it!

Christoper Jacob 3.15.08

I had the pleasure of becoming an aunt again this weekend. My sister in law Sarah and her husband Nic welcomed a beautiful new baby boy to the world on Saturday. This is their first child. She had a pretty quick and fairly easy labor and delivery and Christopher arrived at 5:15 pm weighing in at 5 pounds 9 ounces. He was two weeks early and mom had a few issues with blood pressure but nothing major.

Welcome Christopher, I'm so excited to watch you grow up and watch your mom and dad step into this thing we call parenthood!

Let the Big Melt Begin

Well we survived the blizzard of '08. It did get pretty bad here for awhile, they even closed the roads but I made the most of things and became a domestic godess for a day! Well, I'm pretty far from a godess but I did enjoy baking a few things from scratch. Let's see, I started with Banana Nut bread which turned out pretty yummy and now is A's favorite snack. She calls it 'nana butter bread' and actually took a piece with her to daycare this morning to eat for her morning snack. I made a chocolate cake (from scratch) which turned out well but I goofed with the icing! I ran out of powdered sugar and my icing was too thin. So it was more like a thick glaze and we now have to keep the cake in the fridge...still tastes good. To round out the day I made a casserole from a cookbook we have from Jason's grandma's side of the family. You know those cookbooks that everyone submits a few recipes. I scoured through it until I found something we had all of the indegredients for and came up with Chicken Breast Supreme...Let me say 'aunt dottie' this is not really supreme at all. It kindof tuned out like a gooey chicken/cheesey mess. It tasted alright I guess but it's noting I'd submit to a cookbook and that's not saying much because I suck at cooking. The rest of the weekend was spent doing dishes from the cooking marathon (the worst part about cooking), playing in the snow and trying to keep the house cleaned up (fat chance). I'm actually kinda glad to be heading back to work this morning...it was a long weekend, we all got a little bored and testy with each other and really Mommy just needs a break it's hard work being a godess!!!

A foot of snow, you've got to be kidding me!!

This is what I sent around to my family last night. I moved to Ohio about 7 years ago after living in South Georgia for about 3 years...it's days like this I kick myself and ask why?????

Well, I'm off to race the snow, hoping to finish my day at work and return to my warm and cozy home to watch the snow fall from my window. All the while secrectly wishing my retired neighbor decides to continue to be generous and snow blow our driveway (even though I'm at least 25 years younger than her) Unfortunately, I think I'll be fighting the accumulating snow most of the day as I drive around the state working with grumpy old people.

I swear that damn groundhog said only six more weeks of winter...that seemed like ages ago!

A new day, a new job

I'm starting a new job today. Well it's actually an old job, with a new title, and kind of a new location. The therapy world is just crazy when it comes to working in long term care facilities. I'm employed my a contract company and we contract ourselves out to nursing homes. I was managing the therapy team at a 100 bed facility in Dayton as well as the only speech therapist there. The facility ended it's contract with the company I was employed with (a common thing in the therapy world) and I decided to find a new job before I became unemployed. I went to work for a different company in Englewood, Ohio and worked there for 6 weeks before I put my notice in. I just really couldn't stand my manager and felt like I was being taken advantage of. The wonderful thing about being a speech therapist in long term care is that there is always another job waiting on you doorstep. The entire time I worked in Englewood, my old manager was begging me to return to them. I finally caved as I love working for her and the company. They are very laid back and flexible and are a really nice fit for me as a working mom. So I'm returning to them today, I'm not managing yet (and not sure I want to return to that role). We'll see how it goes. Of course I'll still be driving quite a lot but that gives me plenty of me time to tune into my sirius radio!

Oh yeah, while all of this is happening my old boss at the hospital, my first and most favorite job, has called and is begging me to return. I'm in the process of dealing with him. While I'd be taking a pay cut, I'd be working in Springfield. I'd save a ton in gas and wear and tear on my vehicle. This just poses a new problem... we love the daycare/school we have Alex in in Centerville. It has been awesome for her! It's very educationally based and structured so I'd hate to take her out of there. Oh decisions, decisions!! I guess this is great job security in a time of economic crisis!!!

poops and pees

Because this blog is supposed to chronicle all aspects of my life I had to post about our latest milestone. Alex is well on her way to potty training. She's having a hard time with the #2 part of the deal. On working for a promised cupcake this evening I sat her on mommy's potty and she made #2 and #1. After getting down from the toilet and inspecting her work she claims "what big turtles". I think she'd overheard us call her poop 'terds' and that was the word she was looking for. I guess from now on we'll be working on putting all of the 'turtles' in the water so they can swim home!! Oh what fun a two year old is!

I'm still reading the book

Well, my time is quite limited so I'm still reading the book. But some good news...Jason smoked his last cigarette on Saturday night and has not smoked since. He is surprised by how easy it is. The method the book talks about is basically changing the way you think about smoking, why you do it and learning to reverse the brainwashing you've experienced since you lit that first cigarette. I'm only a few chapters in and the author insists you continue to smoke as usual while you read the book. Basically he tells you that you are a drug addict and you are on your way to becoming FREE! I look forward to this and it has helped that Jason quit first. Although I'm still smoking, I'm a bit more careful about smoking when he's around and I'm becoming quite jealous of him!

Time to Quit

Many people don't know this about me...I'm a smoker. I am truly addicted and the only time I've been able to quit was when I was pregnant with Alex. To show how powerful this drug is I always thought that someone who smoked while pregnant was the most insensitive, ignorant, and selfish person there could be. Then I became that person. I actually ignored that I was pregnant for a few days so that I could get those last few smokes in. It was so hard to quit and even harder for me was that I couldn't ask anyone for support because I was so embarrassed that I actually had an urge to smoke while at the same time I was creating a life inside of me. Mind over matter I was able to cut way down and then quit before I was three months along. This was an issue I haven't shared with anyone, including my husband, my best friend or anyone else. I've decided since I'm on my way to becoming an ex smoker I can finally come clean. I'm so glad that my smoking didn't cause any problems with the development of my little girl. For the longest time I was convinced it is why I developed preeclampsia but have since learned that is not the case. Besides, I did quit quite early in my pregnancy. Shortly after Alex was born, the baby blues set in (and I don't think they've completely left yet) and I started craving again. It wasn't long until I was smoking again. This time it took over a year before I really shared this nasty habit with anyone, I was still ashamed and embarrassed. For the past six months or so I've smoked openly and even my parents know. I feel coming clean would play a big part in my eventual quitting. I don't smoke in the house or in the car if Alex is in there so she's not exposed to the smoke. However, she is now at the age that she knows that I smoke and will soon understand what a nasty habit it is. I will be DONE smoking before she can understand this and hopefully she won't have any memories associating me with cigarettes.
Jason is also a smoker as are all of his brothers/sisters. My parents were smokers until I was in grade school, my brother smokes and my sister smoked until about two years ago when she was hypnotized and quit. I haven't really wanted to quit until now and was scared to death of not smoking (any smoker/past smoker should understand this). I now realize that I'm approaching my 30th birthday, I'm overweight, have high blood pressure and am depressed. I'm going to knock each of these issues out one at a time! Jason and I are both quitting with the help of this book. Jason just finished reading it and I'm just starting. Of course I'm skeptical but with the support of each other, our families and friends...we can do this. If for no one else, for Alex. She's the light and love of our life and we both need and want to be around to see her off to college, watch her get married and meet our grandkids! I'll try to post about how it's going for us and plan on joining the ranks of non smokers much sooner than later!!!

Pictures Worth a Thousand Words

Crockpotting it up

I'm terrible in the kitchen, mainly due to lack of preparation and time. I found this new blog and am looking forward to trying some recipes. I don't use my crockpot near enough! Tonight I'm trying a chicken marinara, we'll see if it turns out! Well I'm off to drag Alex away from Clifford and head to daycare/work!

Snow Day

I remember the month of February when I was a child...there was always a lot of snow on the ground. I remember this because my mom always spray painted a red heart in the snow saying "I love you" for my dad. However, in the past many years we rarely get an accumulating snowfall this time of year. So that's why when last night they were calling for 8-10 inches in Springfield I actually got a little excited. I mean I HATE winter like the rest of them but who doesn't love one BIG snow fall of the season. Well, that 8-10 turned into less than 2 with a little bit of sleet, but the little accumulation didn't stop me from having a snow day!! When I saw that all of the schools were canceled, even colleges I thought to my self...it's far too dangerous to travel these central ohio roadways with a two year old in tow, I must stay home! And who doesn't love a snow day?? It started out well but a snow day with a 2 1/2 year old proved to be more stressful than I anticipated. This morning we mailed the valentines we made for her grandmas and grandpas and she threw a fit after we put them in the mailbox, exclaiming 'my bawentimes, my bawentimes, the mail man is gonna take my bawentimes', this resulted in a lengthy explanation of how mail travels and I assured her that grandma and grandpa would get them. We watched some cartoons she never gets to see b/c she's in day care all day, played with kitty (that'll be another post), played in the snow, played kitchen, played babies, colored (man it's exhausting being 2). We had a blast together for a while but then nap time rolled around and in her usual fashion, Alex REFUSED to go to sleep! I finally resorted to a car ride (unfortunately I've been using that tactic a little too much lately), but a mom's gotta have me time. So now she's sound asleep with kitty in my bed and instead of facing this tornando wrecked house I've decided to really enjoy a little of my snow day, mommy style. I'm off to take a quick bubble bath with my latest read and then maybe sqeeze in a little shut eye myself. Cleaning or exercising would be much better use of my time but on any other Tuesday I'd just be a work, right???

Beginning Blogger

My how the past two years have flown. I've tried to keep a website and even a written journal to help me never forget these wonderful years of mommyhood but my correspondence has been everything but plentiful. I'm moving on to a blog, not sure who I'll share it with or if I'll even share it at this point. I'm just enjoying Alex so much and some day I hope she can read what a blessing she's been to me. So hat's off to my first attempt at blogging. I hope to write often so that I can share how much she means to me, how much fun we have together, and even all of the grief she causes me! And ultimately so she can know what the Kantner life was like when she was an young one!