2.17.2008

Time to Quit

Many people don't know this about me...I'm a smoker. I am truly addicted and the only time I've been able to quit was when I was pregnant with Alex. To show how powerful this drug is I always thought that someone who smoked while pregnant was the most insensitive, ignorant, and selfish person there could be. Then I became that person. I actually ignored that I was pregnant for a few days so that I could get those last few smokes in. It was so hard to quit and even harder for me was that I couldn't ask anyone for support because I was so embarrassed that I actually had an urge to smoke while at the same time I was creating a life inside of me. Mind over matter I was able to cut way down and then quit before I was three months along. This was an issue I haven't shared with anyone, including my husband, my best friend or anyone else. I've decided since I'm on my way to becoming an ex smoker I can finally come clean. I'm so glad that my smoking didn't cause any problems with the development of my little girl. For the longest time I was convinced it is why I developed preeclampsia but have since learned that is not the case. Besides, I did quit quite early in my pregnancy. Shortly after Alex was born, the baby blues set in (and I don't think they've completely left yet) and I started craving again. It wasn't long until I was smoking again. This time it took over a year before I really shared this nasty habit with anyone, I was still ashamed and embarrassed. For the past six months or so I've smoked openly and even my parents know. I feel coming clean would play a big part in my eventual quitting. I don't smoke in the house or in the car if Alex is in there so she's not exposed to the smoke. However, she is now at the age that she knows that I smoke and will soon understand what a nasty habit it is. I will be DONE smoking before she can understand this and hopefully she won't have any memories associating me with cigarettes.
Jason is also a smoker as are all of his brothers/sisters. My parents were smokers until I was in grade school, my brother smokes and my sister smoked until about two years ago when she was hypnotized and quit. I haven't really wanted to quit until now and was scared to death of not smoking (any smoker/past smoker should understand this). I now realize that I'm approaching my 30th birthday, I'm overweight, have high blood pressure and am depressed. I'm going to knock each of these issues out one at a time! Jason and I are both quitting with the help of this book. Jason just finished reading it and I'm just starting. Of course I'm skeptical but with the support of each other, our families and friends...we can do this. If for no one else, for Alex. She's the light and love of our life and we both need and want to be around to see her off to college, watch her get married and meet our grandkids! I'll try to post about how it's going for us and plan on joining the ranks of non smokers much sooner than later!!!

2 comments:

tafkalorelei said...

Good for you girl...you can do it. Just take it one day at a time.

Amy said...

You can do it girl, I know you can!